Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Study the words and expressions given below:

control контроль, власть

pub паб, пивная

amount объем, величина

to remain оставаться

swallow глоток (пива, воды, вина)

healthy swallow большой глоток

beer пиво

to sigh вздыхать

to utter произносить

to fight сражаться, драться

Get out! Убирайся! Вылезай!

after a while через некоторое время

what sort of? какого типа? какого вида?

the other night на днях вечером

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. How many guys were there in the pub?

2. What did they drink there?

3. What were two of them talking about?

4. What question was the third guy asked?

5. In what way had the third guy\'s wife come to him one of the nights?

6. What did she say to her husband?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. Two of the guys are talking about the _______ of control they had over their wives.

2. The third guy _______ quiet.

3. After a _______ one of the first two guys turned to the third one.

4. What _______ of control do you have over your wife?

5. Just the _______ night my wife came to me.

6. The first two guys were _______.

7. The third man took a healthy _______ of his beer.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

2. Какого размера власть ты имеешь над своей женой?

3. Третий парень хранил молчание.

4. Через некоторое время один из первых двоих повернулся к третьему.

5. Ну, а как насчет тебя?

6. Как раз на днях вечером моя жена приползла ко мне на четвереньках.

7. Что случилось потом?

Revise English Grammar «Get out from under the bed!» — приказала жена третьему из парней, сидящих в баре. Слово get может использоваться и в других словосочетаниях, проявляя поразительную многозначность. Проверьте свое языковое чутье в отношении этого слова. При необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел 19).

6. Read the text one more time and substitute the word «to get» for any verb that seems to have about the same meaning.

7. Render the joke.

Section 17 Prospective church members

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor said, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.»

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, «Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»

The old man replied, «No problem at all, Pastor.»

«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»

The man replied, «The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but… yes we made it.»

«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»

«No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,» the young man replied sadly.

«What happened?» inquired the pastor.

«My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.»

«You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,» stated the pastor.