Читаем Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы полностью

Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

Just then the possitive son started to open his gift. With his parents watching, he pulled back the flaps on the box and peered in at its contents. He stood silent for a moment and then shouted excitedly, "There's gotta be a horse around Here somewhere!!!"

Words and Expressions:

once однажды

twins близнецы

completely полностью

opposite противоположный

attitude отношение (к жизни), взгляд (на жизнь)

positive позитивный, оптимистичный

outlook мировоззрение

negative негативный, пессимистичный

to whine скулить, хныкать

around the corner за углом, на подходе

a brand new bike новехонький, с иголочки велосипед

horse crap лошадиный навоз

gift подарок

to complain жаловаться

to hate ненавидеть

flaps (у коробки) створки крышки

to peer заглядывать

contents содержимое, содержание

excited возбужденный

there's gotta be a horse aroundразг.there has got to be a horse

around здесь поблизости где-то должна быть лошадь

Section 48
Glass of water

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:

"Da-ad… " «What?»

«I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?» «No. You had your chance. Lights out!» Five minutes later:

"Da-aaaad… " «WHAT?»

«I'm THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water?»

«I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!»

Five minutes later…

«WHAT?!»

«When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?»

Words and Expressions:

thirsty испытывающий жажду

a drink of water немного воды

to have one's chance иметь шанс

Lights out! Свет гаси!

Section 49
The christmas pet

A man wanted to buy a new pet for a Christmas present, so he went to the pet shop and asked the shop clerk what he would recommend. «Well,» the clerk said, pointing out a large bird, «we have this parrot here, and he not only talks, he sings. I'll show you.» The clerk then lit a match and held it under the parrot's right foot. Immediately, the bird began singing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way… "

«That's amazing,» the customer said. «What does he sing when you hold a match under his left foot?»

The clerk immediately lit a match and held it under the bird's left foot. The bird quickly started singing, "I'll have a blue, blue Christmas, without you… "

The customer couldn't believe what he heard. Finally he asked, «What does he do when you hold the match between his feet?»

The clerk lit a match and held it there. The bird hesitated a moment, then began singing, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire… "

Words and Expressions:

pet питомец, домашнее животное или птица

to light зажигать

match спичка

customer посетитель, покупатель

blueзд. грустный, печальный

chestnut каштан

to roast жарить

for a present в качестве подарка

«Jingle Bells…» рождественская песня

«I'll have a blue Christmas without you…» грустная рождественская песня

open fire открытый огонь

«Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…» старинная застольная песня

Section 50
Why the little angel is at the top of the christmas tree

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations.

The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad.

All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa – filled with rage – threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, «Hi, Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas tree?»

Words and Expressions:

top макушка

annual ежегодный

trip поездка, путешествие

pants штаны

to rip разрывать(ся)

tight тесный

to check проверять

preparations приготовления

elf эльф

strike забастовка

reindeer северный олень