Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

silence молчание, тишина

to borrow взять взаймы

line очередь

to walk a dog прогуливать собаку

mean-looking выглядящий злобно и угрожающе

single file в одну колонну

to stand sth выдерживать что-л., противостоять чему-л., справляться с чем-л.

to turn on sb переключиться на кого-л.

to get in line встать в очередь

Section 37 Mommy, how old are you?

Eight-year-old little Mary and her mother are walking through the mall together one day. «Mommy,» says the little Mary, «how old are you?»

«Darling, you should never ask a woman what her age is.»

«Why not?» demands the child.

«Well, that is something you will understand one day when you're grown-up.»

«Mommy,» asks Mary again, «how much do you weigh?»

«Never mind,» answers the mother.

«Why can't you tell me?»

«Because grown-ups never talk about how much they weigh. This is something you will learn and understand someday.»

«Mommy,» insists the child, «can you tell me why you and Daddy got divorced?»

«Darling,» responds the mother in exasperation, «that's something still very painful for Mommy, and I really just can't talk about it now.»

A few days later, little Mary recounts this conversation to a friend at school. The friend explains how to overcome these problems.

«All you have to do is get your mother's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it. You just read it like a report card and it'll give you anything you need.»

So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into her mother's room while her mom was cooking dinner. She rummages through her purse and finds the driver's license. After examining it carefully she walks up to her mother and says, «I know how old you are! You are 35!» The mother is very surprised. «And, I know how much you weigh. You weigh 136 pounds, right?» The mother is shocked. «And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.»

The mother, dumbfounded asked, «Why?»

«It's because you got an F in sex.»

Words and Expressions:

mall торговый центр

Mommyласк. мама

darling дорогой

age возраст

to demand спрашивать

grown-up взрослый

to weigh весить

someday как-нибудь; на днях

to insist настаивать

exasperation раздражение

painful болезненный

to recount вспоминать

conversation разговор

to overcome преодолевать

license лицензия

to recommend советовать, рекомендовать

to sneak подкрадываться, пробираться

to rummage шарить, рыться

purse кошелек, бумажник

to examine исследовать, осматривать

carefully внимательно, тщательно

to shock шокировать

Fсокр.female обозначение пола в документах

F буквенный индекс низшей оценки за успеваемость в американских школах

sex пол; секс

Never mind! Забудь! Не обращай внимания!

driver's license водительские права

report card «личное дело», в школьной практике – табель, дневник

dumbfounded ошарашенный

Section 38 Jelly beans

There once was a little blonde girl who wore a dress to school every day and really loved jelly beans more than anything. The boys at her school decided to take full advantage of this and one day approached her and offered to give her a bag filled with 50 jelly beans if she would climb the schoolyard flagpole. She did and came back down so the boys gave her the jelly beans.

That day she came running home and yelled to her mom, «Mommy! Mommy! Today the boys at school gave me 50 jelly beans to climb the flagpole at school!»

The mother shook her head and replied, «Oh no! They just did that so they could see up your dress and see your panties! I don't want you to ever do this again!»

So the next day the boys offered her 100 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did, they gave her the jelly beans and she ran home again and said to her mother, «Mommy! Look! Today they gave me 100 jelly beans for climbing the flagpole!»

The mother got upset and told her, «They just did that so they could see your panties!!! Listen to me! I don't want you to ever let this happen again!»

So the next day the boys offered her 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did without haste and ran home again and shouted with a wide smile on her face, «Mommy! Look! I got 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole today!»

The mother said, «What have I been telling you the past couple days?! They're just doing that to see your panties!»

The little girl replied still smiling widely, «I know! I know! But this time I tricked them! I didn't wear any!»

Words and Expressions:

blonde блондинка

to offer предлагать

to climb забираться

schoolyard школьный двор

flagpole флагшток

panties трусики

widely широко

to trick обманывать

jelly beans сорт конфет

without haste без спешки