Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?»

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, «Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?»

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, «Darling, I've a confession to make.»

And she says, «So have I, love.»

He cries out, «Don't tell me you've eaten my socks!»

Study the words and expressions given below:

confession признание

couple пара

honeymoon медовый месяц

edge край

bathtub ванна

smelly пахучий, вонючий

to stink вонять

to manage удаваться, преуспевать в чем-л.

to dateзд. встречаться до брака

meanwhile тем временем

breath дыхание

to court ухаживать

gently мягко

to climb забираться

hers ее

to keep sth from sb скрывать что-л. от кого-л.

to be bound быть вынужденным 

to find out обнаруживать

sooner or later рано или поздно

to be lucky быть удачливым

as soon as как только, так…

to pluck up enough courage собраться с духом

So have I. И я тоже.

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. Where was the husband sitting?

2. What did he worry about?

3. Guess how he had managed to keep his socks as well as his feet away from his would-be wife while they were dating?

4. Where was the wife sitting?

5. How long would it take the man to learn everything about his wife's breath, she thought?

6. Why did the man think that his wife had eaten his socks?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. A young couple _______ on their honeymoon.

2. How can I tell my wife that my socks _______ stink?

3. I've _______ to keep it from her while we were dating.

4. I've been very _______ to keep it from him.

5. He's _______ to find out.

6. How do I tell him _______?

7. Darling, I've a _______ to make.

8. So have I, _______.

3. Match the two parts of each sentence:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Рано или поздно она вынуждена будет обнаружить это.

2. Тем временем жена сидела в постели.

3. Мне удавалось делать это, пока мы встречались.

4. Как мне сказать ему об этом мягко?

5. Муж наконец собирается с духом.

6. Он забирается к своей жене, обвивает ее шею своей рукой и говорит.

7. Я тоже, любовь моя.

Revise English Grammar

В предложении A young couple were on their honeymoon… подлежащее, выраженное существительным в форме единственного числа, согласуется со сказуемым, выраженным глаголом во множественном числе.

Проверьте свои знания согласования подлежащего и сказуемого в английском предложении. В случае необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел 8).

6. Choose the appropriate form of the verb:

1. The husband, as well as his wife, (was, were) _______ in the hotel.

2. It (was, were) _______ the young couple who rented the apartment.

3. Both the husband and the wife (was, were) _______ bound to find it out.

4. Everyone in the house (know, knows) _______ that they have left.

5. Both (was, were) _______ afraid to confess their secrets to each other.

6. A pair of his socks (was, were) _______ lying on the table.

7. Neither my wife nor her relatives (know, knows) _______ that my feet stink.

8. The number of married couples in our hotel (is, are) _______ growing.

9. Honeymoon Jokes (is, are) _______ the most funny section of the book.

Revise English Grammar

В предложении And she says, «So have I, love»… используется краткая форма выражения солидарности с предыдущей репликой диалога. Таких форм – положительных и отрицательных – существует несколько.

Проверьте свои знания данных форм, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 9).

7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms. Follow the directions given:

Model:

1. We were on our honeymoon. (They – so): So were they.