Moscow Noir

Here’s another. They just brought her out of a jail cell. She threw her newborn in the garbage. She reeks of sweet cheap alcohol that makes me sick. In the time we spend questioning her I run out four times to our filthy two-holer—one for the cops and one for the crooks—and puke. I must be puking my stomach out. Voronov’s as calm as a sphinx. His ironed white shirt gets whiter and stiffer all the time. He says, “You’ll be going to that garbage heap soon. Believe me. There, in the garbage, you’re going to find the corpse of another newborn infant who had a couple of gulps of air and then got stupidly fucked up. You’re going to feel awful. You’re going to search for his damned mama furiously, you’ll find her, you’ll put her in that chair where you’re sitting now. You’ll sit where I am and look into her eyes in hopes of seeing hell. But what you’ll see is emptiness. Emptiness, my young friend. Emptiness is hell. And vice versa. I want you to lose your illusions as fast as you can and understand all about where, how, and why we are the way we are. Believe me. I’m one of the better ones.”

I get queasy again and dash off. Voronov waits patiently; today he has no intention of stopping.

“By the way, they’re going to give this mama two years’ probation. You’ll be very lucky if this story doesn’t repeat itself on your watch. But if it does, that’s bad. It could break you, even though by then you’ll be pretty tough.”

He hands me a vile cigarette. I try to strike a match and on the fifth try manage to light it. I see the various back alleys through the window. Every day I walk these alleys, but I don’t remember exactly what the streets are called. I’ll admit, I don’t want to either. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just endless emptiness. The whole Eastern District. Not too far from here you get to the school I went to. A little farther and there it is, the tram stop where, in a frenzy, I battered the painted iron kiosk with my fist, trying to take away the pain of love. And there’s the courtyard where I had my first dead body, a dead body whose name and murderer I found. I found him quickly, in the next entryway. At the time I was given a commendation—as the youngest detective. Only Voronov didn’t join in the general rejoicing at my success. He said, “One day everyone’s going to die. Absolutely. Then other people will come, either cops or doctors. They’ll come and tell you the cause of death. You just have to understand, student, that no one in my memory has ever been resurrected by that. Don’t take pride in it or you’ll start wanting to be a little like God.”

Later I cursed him all night long and couldn’t sleep. I think I cried. But in the morning he was standing on Boitsovaya, just like a monument to a poet. Smoking, blowing off the ashes. Waiting for me. He was always waiting for me. He liked working with kids like me.

“Life is a lot of things. And it takes crazy shapes. You don’t mind that I’m like a biology teacher, do you? Love your neighbors and your family. Everyone else deserves death. You think I’m wrong?”

He found a way of instilling all this wisdom of the ages in my head in the three minutes it took us to walk back to the department. I couldn’t remember school or the institute anymore. It was stupid, in fact, to remember those chalk-stained wusses. I had a real man walking on my left. Someone who had known life and then fucked it doggy-style. He always liked to be on top and couldn’t stand lying down. Or sitting down facing you. Or standing. Impressive.

His shift’s over and it’s time for us to go. We leave the department, slipping on the chipped steps, which are coated with a thick layer of ice. Today there hasn’t been a short-timer or drunk in jail—no one to hack the ice off—and the fat guard would never get off his fat ass. All he does is dream of somebody installing a bedpan in his chair so he’ll never have to get up again. We slip and curse and light up. Voronov starts the engine of his Moskvich, which he bought with his fifth wife’s money. His spouse never seemed to begrudge him anything. The most powerful mass-produced engine with the most affordable afterburner. On the highway this battered heap hits as high as 250 kilometers an hour. When they hear that sound, the sound of the engine on Voronov’s heap, young skinheads move to the shoulder out of respect. Right now we’re driving to the Field of a Thousand Corpses. It’s a special kind of place.

I have a little time now, while the car is warming up, while we’re driving. The whole trip takes about fifteen minutes. Let me tell you about this field.