William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

But, Lord, he doth expect th’impossible!
I need more bodies to fulfill this task.
If I had but a hundred able souls
To work alongside those already here,
’Twould be far simpler to complete the work
And make this Death Star ready when ’tis due.

Vader

Thou wilt have opportunity to ask
The Emp’ror for these further workers, for
He shall arrive upon the Death Star soon.

Jerjerrod

[ aside:] O news that fills my heart with utter dread!
[ To Darth Vader:] The Emperor himself shall come here?

Vader

—Aye.
Displeasèd is he with thy thorough lack
Of progress on this station incomplete.

Jerjerrod

Our efforts shall be doubled instantly!

Vader

I do hope so, Commander, for thy sake—
The Emperor is known for being less
Forgiving than myself. Pray, is that clear?

Jerjerrod

It is, Lord Vader, perfectly. Thy words
I hear and shall obey. With gratitude
I praise thee for thine honesty herein.

[Exit Moff Jerjerrod.

Vader

The scene is set for this, the final act.
I shall destroy the rebels, one and all,
And turn young Luke, my son, unto the dark.
It is the role I play, my destiny—
The grand performance for which I am made.
Come, author of the dark side of the Force,
Make me the servant of thy quill and write
The tale wherein my son and I are seal’d
As one. Come, take mine ev’ry doubt from me,
And fashion from my heart of flesh and wires
A perfect actor: callous, cold, and harsh.
Let this, the second Death Star, be the stage,
And all the galaxy be setting to
The greatest moment of my narrative:
The scene in which the Empire’s fight is won
Whilst I decide the Fate of mine own son.

[Exit Darth Vader.

Scene 2.

The desert planet Tatooine, at Jabba’s Palace.

Enter C-3PO and R2-D2.

C-3PO

Again, R2, we are on Tatooine.
I would not e’er have ventur’d to return
Unto this place most desolate and wild,
Except that Master Luke hath sent us here
Upon an errand. Yet I know not what
Our message is, but only that I should
To Jabba of the Hutt deliver it.
O place most barren—I have miss’d thee not.

R2-D2

Beep, squeak?

C-3PO

—Indeed I am afraid, R2,
And so shouldst thou be, too, for Lando of
Calrissian and brave Chewbacca ne’er
Return’d from here.

R2-D2

—Beep, whistle, squeak.

C-3PO

—Be not
So certain, R2, for if thou didst know
But half of all that I have heard about
This Jabba of the Hutt—his cruelty, how
He tortures innocents, and all the beasts
He keeps to do his will—belike thou wouldst
Short-circuit.

R2-D2

—Hoo.

[They approach the door of Jabba’s palace.

C-3PO

—And now we have arriv’d.
But art thou sure this is the place, R2?
Mayhap ’tis best if I do knock? [ He knocks.]
Alas,
There’s none to see us in, so let us go!