William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

EnterGUARD DROIDon the other side of door.

DROID

[ aside:] Now here’s a knocking, indeed! If a droid
Were porter of the Force here in this place,
He should have rust for lack of turning key.
I pray, remember the poor porter droid.
[ To C-3PO and R2-D2:] N’getchoo gadda gooda, einja meh.

C-3PO

My goodness! What foul greeting’s this? [ To droid:] R2-D2wah.

DROID

—Haku! Danna mee bicchu.

C-3PO

Bo C-3POwah, ey.

DROID

—Ai waijay uh.

C-3PO

Odd toota mischka Jabba o du Hutt.

DROID

Kuju gwankee? Mypee gaza, ho ho!

C-3PO

Methinks they shall not let us in, what shame!
Still, well may it be said that we have tried,
For never would I give up easily
When sent forth on a task by Master Luke.
Yet we have tried and were refusèd here,
Thus, who could blame us for departing hence?
Let us depart now, aye, together fly!

[The door opens.

O pity, it doth open and release
Mine utmost fears. Now must we venture in.

R2-D2

[ aside:] My friend C-3PO was never for
His courage known. So shall I lead, as e’er
I have been wont to lead, into this place
Although I too feel fear. [ To C-3PO:] Beep, whistle, squeak!

C-3PO

O, R2, wait for me! O dear! We should
Not rush, like fools, unto this scene. O my!

EnterGAMORREAN GUARDSand Bib Fortuna.

BIB

Tay chuda! Nuh die wanna wanga?

C-3PO

—O!
Die wanna waugow. [ Translating:] “We bring unto thy
Dread master Jabba of the Hutt a message.”

BIB

E Jabba wanga?

R2-D2

—Squeak!

C-3PO

—[ translating:] “A gift as well.”
[ To R2-D2:] Wait, R2, pray, what dost thou mean, “a gift”?
Good Master Luke hath spoken not of “gift.”

R2-D2

Beep, whistle, meep.

BIB

—Nee Jab’ no badda; ees
Eye oh toe. Zah kotah amutti mi’.

R2-D2

Beep, meep, nee, whistle, hoo.

C-3PO

—He doth report
That we are not to give the message to
A soul, save Jabba of the Hutt himself.

G. GUARD 1

Grrf, mik.

C-3PO

—Pray, patience; he quite stubborn is
When fac’d with matters such as these.

BIB

—Nudd chaa!

[Bib Fortuna motions for the droids to follow.

C-3PO

R2, I feel a shaking in my core
O’er this dread situation we are in.

Enter Jabba of THE HUTT, BOBA FETT, the MAX REBO BAND, SALACIOUS CRUMB, LANDO OF CALRISSIAN in disguise, and other members of Jabba’s court.

Jabba

Ahho, nee jann bah naska ahho bah.

BIB

Kada no pase.

C-3PO

—Good morning.

R2-D2

—Beep, meep, squeak!

BIB

Neh bo shuhadda mana.

Jabba

—Ahh, shihu.

C-3PO

I prithee, R2, play the message now.
The sooner we’ll be on our merry way.

Jabba

Bo shuda!

R2-D2

—Beep, meep, whistle.

EnterLUKE SKYWALKER, in beam.

Luke