William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

[All freeze as R2-D2 takes center stage.

R2-D2

Even thus, our tale is finish’d.
Pardon if your hope’s diminish’d—
If you did not find the sequel
Satisfying. If unequal
Our keen play is unto others,
Do not part in anger, brothers.
Ears, attend: I know surprises,
Visions of all shapes and sizes.
In some other times and places
It may be Rebellion faces
Certain dangers that may sever
Our strong bonds that held us ever.
Mayhap something compromising,
Even like an Empire Rising.
Thus present I our conclusion:
Hint of Fate, or Fool’s illusion?

[Exeunt omnes.

END.

Afterword.

How do you solve a problem like the Ewoks? In Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks say things like “gunda” and “yubnub!” but for The Jedi Doth Return I wanted to make their speech distinctive without resorting to a device I had used before. After all, the Ewoks are one of very few types of foreign-language speaking creatures introduced in Return of the Jedi (Jabba and his language first appear in the scenes that were added to A New Hope). They’re known for their unique way of communicating, so I wanted to do something special for them. I didn’t want them to speak English (like Salacious Crumb), I didn’t want them to sing (like the Rancor, or the Ugnaughts from William Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back), and I didn’t want them simply to speak in an untranslated foreign language (like R2’s beeps, or Jabba’s Huttese). Instead, I wanted >their speech to feel unique. Ultimately, I had them talk in short lines of verse with an AABA rhyme scheme, with dashes of almost a pidgin English thrown in. For example, here is my version of Wicket’s first line when he finds Leia unconscious in the forest:

A buki buki,
Luki, luki,
Issa creecher,
Nuki, nuki!

This starts off sounding like a normal Ewok line—as often as possible, my first line of the Ewok quatrains uses the Ewokese spoken in the film. Then the second and third lines are in quasi-English: “Look, look, it’s a creature” is the translation here. The final line is there simply to rhyme with the first. I admit: this structure isn’t very Shakespearean. But I think it meets my goal of making the Ewoks’ speech distinctive, interesting, and even a bit intelligible. (As a side note, one of the most fun things about working with Lucasfilm is that someone will check your Huttese, your Ewokese, and any other alien tongue from the films. Yes, official versions exist of every language you hear in the Star Wars trilogy.)

Speaking of characters who speak distinctively, let’s talk about R2-D2. The plucky little droid is the fool of the trilogy—a fool not in the modern sense but in the Shakespearean sense: a knowing presence who aids the action even though he seems somewhat simple. R2’s asides in English from William Shakespeare’s Star Wars through William Shakespeare’s The Jedi Doth Return situate him as such. That’s why he delivers the last line of the trilogy, speaking of what has been and what may be to come (bonus points for finding the Easter egg hidden in those final verses). That said, I decided Jabba’s court should have its own fool, who of course had to be Salacious Crumb. He speaks in English throughout William Shakespeare’s The Jedi Doth Return , commenting on the action and aware at every moment of how the players around him are positioned. It’s no surprise that in Return of the Jedi, it’s R2 who finally gets the best of Crumb—the two fools duke it out, and the better fool wins. (Who’s more foolish—the fool or the fool who electrocutes him?)