William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Alas, ’tis nothing here to see. I did
Once live on Tatooine, as thou dost know.

Han

And thou shalt die here too. Convenient ’tis.

Luke

Stay close to Lando and Chewbacca. All
Things shall end well, for I have plann’d it so.

Han

So sayest thou. [ Aside:] His confidence is such
As I’ve not seen in him before; I know
Not whether to guffaw or be impress’d.

[Guards extend the skiff’s plank and force Luke onto it.

Luke

The plank hath been set forth, and I shall walk
Not unto death, but our deliverance.

EnterJABBA OF THE HUTT, PRINCESS LEIAbound to Jabba,BIB FORTUNA, BOBA FETT, THE MAX REBO BAND, SALACIOUS CRUMB, and other members of Jabba’s court below, on a barge.

Jabba

Koneetah!

C-3PO

—Hear ye! Victims of the great
Almighty sarlacc: Jabba of the Hutt,
His excellency, hopeth ye shall die
With honor. Should ye wish for mercy now
To beg, great Jabba of the Hutt shall hear
Your pleas.

Han

—Nay, 3PO! Say thou to that
Vast slimy piece of filth bestrewn with worms
He shall have no such pleasure out of us!
Now that I am no more a markèd man,
I shall most fully proffer my belief
That Jabba is a horrid murderer
Far worse than any I have ever known.
Who here shall prove me wrong or argue, eh?
’Tis right, good Chewie, I speak true?

Chewbac.

—Egh, auugh!

Luke

Pray, Jabba, hear: I shall not ask again—
Thou mayst free us, or be destroy’d anon.
So give us liberty or give thyself death.

Jabba

Ho, ho! Sabutah mayr.

Crumb

—Aye, put him in!
No more of these fools’ speech my ears would hear!

Luke

[ aside:] The scene is set. Pray, Lando, play thy part,
And R2, thou hast ever been most true,
Now fail me not in this most vital time.

R2-D2

[ aside:] This is the moment; aye, this is the time.

Jabba

Koos nooma!

Crumb

—Let the suffering begin!
I shall enjoy this show of pain and death.

Leia

Alas, Luke jumps! But wait, he flips aright
Onto the skiff, and R2 hath releas’d
Into the air Luke’s lightsaber! He has’t,
’Tis his! O clever droid, with aim so true,
And clever Luke, devising such a plan.

Han

The battle’s here! Mine eyes see well enough
To know that now ’tis time for combat!

Chewbac.

—Auugh!

Lando

Now, Lando, to thy recompense for all
That thou hast done! Betrayer shall become
The bravest fighter e’er rebellion’s seen!
My courage here shall render payment for
The villainy I’ve tender’d in the past.

[They battle, and many of Jabba’s court are thrown into the sarlacc’s pit.

Jabba

Ahh!

Leia