William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Now swiftly through the monster’s legs I fly,
For yonder, past the creature, lies a door!
On reaching it, I shall make my escape.

[Luke attempts to open the door.

Alas, but what is this? More bars behind
The door!

C-3PO

—O Master, find another course!

Luke

’Tis just the beast and I. But look, how he
Doth come toward me through the very gate
Whence first he came. If I could close the gate
On him, he shall be slain. Aye, here’s a rock,
And there’s the panel for the door’s control.
’Tis now or ne’er. I call upon the Force
To guide this rock unto the very spot.

Leia

His plan hath been reveal’d—O clever Luke!
The rock he throweth straight and hits the mark—
The gate doth fall, the rancor is destroy’d!
O brave escape, O clever, daring Luke!

Jabba

Nuh toota ah! Gungsh Solo nuh Wookiee!
Takootay noota bangass nuh baskah.

Crumb

My master’s plaything cunningly dispos’d—
If Jabba shall not play, he’ll make them pay.

Enter theRANCOR KEEPER, as Luke is taken back to Jabba’s court.

R. KEEPER

O that this too, too sullied flesh would melt
Into oblivion, if I without
My pet belov’d must live. O darkest world!
O misery beyond compare to me.
Already my beast’s life doth play its part
Within the tend’rest mem’ries of my brain.
How well I do remember when the beast
Was but a rancor pup. It was the runt—
Was almost eaten by its mother cruel—
Indeed, it had but little chance for life.
Yet it was purchas’d as a novelty
By Jawas who e’er seek abnormal things.
I bought it from this band of Jawas, who
Related to me all it had been through
And chargèd me a paltry sum for such
A worthy animal. Then did I raise
It from its lowly start unto the grand
And tow’ring hulk that now before me lies.
How fondly I recall the playful nips
It gave me, which eventually turn’d
To bites that drew no small amount of blood.
I train’d it to be vicious, to enjoy
The taste of flesh and powd’ry crunch of bone.
Yet ever did it know its master true—
And never would it turn its anger fierce
Upon the one who lov’d it first and best.
Was ever rancor in this humor rais’d?
Was ever rancor in this humor won?
To think on it brings pain past all resolve.
O Fate, that ever I should see this day—
Now there’s but little light left in this world,
For its bright sun unjustly is snuff’d out.
I shall away, and drown myself in tears,
Belike to live the sad remainder of
My mortal days upon this planet grave
Unfriended, unprotected, and alone.

[Exit rancor keeper.

EnterHAN SOLOandCHEWBACCA, escorted byGUARDS.

Luke

O Han!

Han

—’Tis Luke?

Luke

—How dost thou fare, good friend?
Thou art less cold than when I saw thee last.

Han