William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

The silence of the night doth mark my work
And like a gentle breeze sweeps o’er the air.
In stealth I move throughout the palace dark,
That no one shall bear witness to my acts.
Now cross the court, with footsteps nimbly plac’d.
Ne’er did a matter of such weight depend
Upon a gentle footfall in the night.
Put out the light, and then relume his light—
Aye, now I spy my goal: the frozen Han.
Thy work is finish’d, feet. Now ’tis the hands
That shall a more profound task undertake.
Quick to the panel, press the needed code.
O swiftly fly, good hands, and free this man
From his most cold and undeservèd cell.
O true decryptionist, thy codes are quick!
The scheme hath work’d, the carbonite doth melt.
Forsooth, ’tis done—within the silent dark
The greatest light doth sing within my heart!

[Han Solo melts from the carbonite and falls to the floor.

[ To Han Solo:] Relax thou for a moment; thou art free
Of carbonite’s embrace, but thou dost burn
From this harsh hibernation malady.

Han

I cannot see.

Boushh

—Thine eyesight shall return.

Han

But where am I?

Boushh

—In Jabba’s Palace you
Have been detain’d.

Han

—Who art thou, voice severe?
[Boushh removes his mask to reveal Princess Leia.

Leia

The one whose heart and soul do love thee true.

Han

O, Leia!

[They kiss.

Leia

—Come, and let’s away from here.

EnterJABBA OF THE HUTT, BIB FORTUNA, BOBA FETT, THE MAX REBO BAND, SALACIOUS CRUMB, LANDO OF CALRISSIANin disguise, and other members of Jabba’s court.

Jabba

Ho, ho, ho.

Han

—O, that laugh, it works me woe.
’Tis too familiar in my memory,
And like a chime from Hell’s forsaken bells
Doth ring most evilly within mine ears.

Jabba

Oofila mooga bos.

Han

—Pray, Jabba, see:
I was upon my way to pay thee back,
And in returning happen’d on a course
That ran the other way. ’Tis not my fault.

Jabba

Achi pahbuk moonitnuh, Solo, bah.
Akingsah rebah bachmanah bakmah
Jaja weetnowah bantha poodoo, ho!

Crumb

He shall be bantha fodder, O, ’tis true—
A Solo may make progress through the guts
Of banthas! Aye, my master’s passing wise.

Han

I’ll pay thee triple, Jabba, thou canst not
Deny this fortune—be thou not a fool!

[Han Solo is taken away by guards.

Jabba

Nakko, kosleeya ni.

[Guards take Princess Leia to Jabba.

Leia

—Now shall I be
His plaything? [ To Jabba:] We have friends most powerful.
Thou shalt, with all thy heart, regret this act.

Jabba

Bana madota, heah.

C-3PO

—Why were my eyes
E’er made to see, when such as this must be
Within my sight? I cannot bear to watch.

[Exeunt Jabba’s court.

EnterHAN SOLOandCHEWBACCAon balcony, as their cell.

Han