William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

[ aside:

] What circumstance unlikely doth befall—A group of hardy rebels makes its way
Unto a battle with the Empire vile.
Such enterprise of pith and moment, yet
Here are we by these furry creatures led.
What unexpected allies! Aye, what strange
But needed friends these noble scamps may prove.
There is a saying back on Alderaan—
Or rather, should I say, there us’d to be
For now no sayings there are heard at all—
“There should for no one greater welcome be
Than one who is an unexpected guest.”
So do we welcome these small ones unto
Our great and just Rebellion, these who are
Both meek and full of childlike eagerness.
Yet even as these words escape my lips,
Another thought unfolds itself to me:
It is not we who welcome them; I err.
For ’tis their moon, their home, their dwelling place.
’Tis surely they who kindly welcome us,
’Tis truly they to whom our thanks are due,
’Tis certain they are far more brave than we,
’Tis verily their home for which they fight.
But still thy tongue, the bunker now is near.

Han

[ to Paploo:

] Thou hast a back door found, thy hairiness?’Tis well: from furry mouths come good ideas.

Paploo

[ to Wicket:

] Ba’chua ba’chua,Megoh ga’chua,
Megoh gennem,
Fa’chua, fa’chua.

Enter severalIMPERIAL SCOUTSnear the bunker. Paploo walks toward them.

Han

[ to Leia:

] There are not many guards nearby; to gainThe upper hand should not prove difficult.

Leia

And yet it needeth merely one to sound
A loud alarm that brings the fleet entire.

Han

Forsooth, then quietlike our moves shall be.

Wicket

[ to C-3PO:

] N’unka unka,Paploo flunka,
Heeza gennem,
Bunka, bunka.

C-3PO

O my! Good Princess Leia, I do fear
Our small befurr’d companion hath set on
An errand rash.

Chewbac.

—Auugh!

[All watch as Paploo approaches the scouts.

Leia

—Fie! The little beast
Doth make his way unto a certain death.
Belike these guards shall blast him into bits.

Han

And further: our surprise attack is gone.
We may not have another chance as this.

[Paploo suddenly boards a speeder bike and flies off into the distance.

Scout 1

Alack! That beast hath ta’en the speeder bike!
We shall not let the imp steal from us so!

Scout 2

Let us fly hence and after him!

Scout 3

—Away!

[Imperial Scouts 1, 2, and 3 mount their bikes and chase Paploo.

Han

A clever ruse for one who is no more
Than a mere lump of matted fur. He hath
Succeeded in his plan, for now behold:
Just one is left. [ To C-3PO:

] Remain here and awaitOur swift return.

C-3PO

—Though I am but a droid,
My will is yet my own. I shall decide
What course to take, and have decided it
Shall better be if R2 and myself
Remain here.

Han