William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

[ aside:

] See how the creatures fight! What skill and witThey use to struggle ’gainst their foes. There is
One flying through the sky on wings of bark,
Who drops upon the walker his small load.
The AT-ST doth not feel the hit,
But O, what daring hath the creature shown!
A group doth hold a rope across the path
To trip a walker up, yet it but pulls
Them all along. Yet some have triumph’d, too,
For they have crush’d a walker’s cockpit with
Two trunks of trees sent swinging from the vines.
Another gang employs large catapults
To send vast boulders hurtling through the sky.
Still others choose small stones to slay the troops,
And bash their helmets in with utmost glee.
There’s one who takes a rock upon a string,
And tries to fling it t’ward a trooper’s head,
But hath instead his own small visage hit.
What gallantry of spirit have these beasts.
E’en if their efforts sometimes are in vain,
They do what I, encas’d in steel, may not:
They put their bodies fully in the fight.

Leia

[ to Han:

] The code unto the bunker door hath chang’d!We need R2!

Han

—The terminal is here.
If he can make it o’er, this is his means
To swiftly open up the closèd door.

Leia

R2, where art thou? Come to us anon!

R2-D2

[ to C-3PO:

] Beep, squeak!

C-3PO

—Thou goest? Wait, what dost thou mean?
I thought thou hadst resolvèd to remain.

R2-D2

Meep, whistle, hoo, beep, meep.

C-3PO

—But going where?
Pray patience, R2, this is not a time
For brave heroics! Hither now, return!

[The droids move toward Han Solo and Princess Leia.

R2-D2

Beep, squeak!

C-3PO

—We come, we come!

Han

—I prithee, swift!

[R2-D2 plugs into the bunker door’s control panel.

Leia

Quick, good R2—thou art our only hope.

[A stormtrooper shoots and hits R2-D2, who is thrown backward, short-circuiting.

R2-D2

Hoo!

C-3PO

—R2, wherefore wert thou passing brave?

Han

That plan, then, shall not be. Mayhap I can
Still hot-wire these controls to ope the door.

Leia

Good cover shall I give thee whilst thou work’st.

EnterCHEWBACCAand twoEWOKS, aside, swinging onto the top of an AT-ST Imperial walker.

Chewbac.

Auugh-egh-egh-auugh!

[Chewbacca and the Ewoks land on top of the AT-ST. The AT-ST pilot and copilot see an Ewok in the front screen.

AT-ST PILOT

—Pray, get the beastie off!

[The AT-ST copilot opens the hatch and is thrown out by Chewbacca. The Ewoks enter the cockpit and subdue the AT-ST pilot.

EWOK

N’mayta mayta,
Heeza hayta,
Weeza gonnem,
Bayta, bayta.

[Chewbacca and the Ewoks begin piloting the AT-ST toward the bunker, shooting Imperial troops and destroying other AT-STs as they go.

Han